Comparisons
My wife and I live in Los Angeles now, but are originally from Chicago.
Growing up in Chicago is about hard work. Everyone is working. I think it’s the weather in that it’s either rainy, windy, snowing, or overcast half the year. When the weather half the year sucks, you don’t have much to do but…work.
On top of everyone always working, there’s a cap to wealth in Chicago. Not a numerical ceiling, but a visual ceiling.
There are rarely G-Wagons driving around, most homes can only get so big in the narrow lots, and parties are usually at a restaurant or bar.
If you have a newish car and a single-family home, you’ve made it. You did it! You’re basically at the top in Chicago.
When I come back to Los Angeles, it’s easy to compare. The house someone else has, luxury sports cars, massive amounts of land, clothing, etc etc.
It’s such a trap as we all know someone who’s more well off, that looks up to someone else above him as the goal post.
I love Morgan Housel’s books and his principles of “don’t compare yourself to others”, etc, etc. It sounds good…
But what I’ve realized is that I think mentally, the comparisons stop when you’re at the top of your neighborhood. As in, within the nearest 10mi, you’re the crème of the crop lifestyle-wise.
That’s when a majority of the mental comparisons stop.
If you’ve figured it out without moving, drop a comment. Would love to hear.
I think moving is just avoiding the life lesson that’s demanding to be dealt with. Someone is always going to have more stuff. The real work is continuing to look inside and understand why this causes your suffering. Seeing this still active within is a good first step. Keep digging inside and asking what’s behind this. Eventually this post will become a funny artifact of when you used to waste so much time caring—“I can’t believe I was so obsessed with keeping up that I considered moving!”
I think the people you surround yourself with is the most important factor. I try to spend time with people who *could* buy the car, who *could* buy the bigger house, etc...but they don't. And we talk about it together. In a sense, that's just as gratifying as having the things.
Naval has a good quote here...something like, "Not wanting something is as good as having it."